How cute can a goose egg be?

Our good friends and neighbors are having a baby and we couldn't be more excited for them. Here's what Brandon had to say about their new arrival.

Brandon: We need more space.
Kristina: For what?
B: The neighbors.
K: Why do they need the space?
B: Because they are having a goose egg.
K: A goose egg huh? is it cute?
B: Kristina, how cute can a goose egg be?
K: Does it look like Sheldon from Garfield?
B: Yeah it does. Its got little feet and its running around the neighborhood. Don't let Elliott out. He might eat it.

One liners

There hasn't been much talk from Brandon lately, but here are a couple of one liners that have sliped out on separate occasions.

Brandon (in a Mr. T voice): I'll F*ing blast the fool!

Brandon: I need the Playboys to rope in the fairys. Otherwise they will get away.

When a squirt gun just isn't enough

Our 80lb Doberman, Elliott, has issues barking at anything and everything that moves past our house. In the past we have tried to correct him by squirting him in the face with a squirt gun. This stops the initial bark but hasn’t done much to correct the long term issue. This morning, Brandon came up with a new solution.

Brandon: I tasered Elliott.
Kristina: Why would you taser Elliott?
B: Because the squirt gun isn’t working.
K: I bet you enjoyed that.
B: No, I felt bad, but he has been naughty….now he’s just tired.

The lies an ID bracelet can tell

OK, so I like Sudoku...that doesn't mean I am crazy!

Brandon: Why are you wearing that medical bracelet?
Kristina: I don't know.
B: What does it say?
K: I don't know. You read it. You tell me.
B: It says mentally ill.
K: MENTALLY ILL! I'm not mentally ill!
B: Oh...OK... well is says Sudoku champion.
K: Why does is say sudoku champion?
B: Well it would be a good idea. This way everyone would know you are the sudoku champion of the world.

Dogs have feelings too

When he started this one, I had no idea he was alseep. It was Saturday morning and all three of us (Brandon Elliott and I) were all cuddled under the covers when the alarm went off. It was early but not that early that we couldn't have gotten up. I watched him hit the alram, roll over under the covers, and start this convorsation.

Brandon: I'm going back to sleep.
Kristina: Why did you get up?
B: Becuase the alarm went off.
K: What if Elliott wanted you to get up
B: Well thats tough!
K: He has feelings too.
B: No he don't. He eats his own poop.
K: Don't you love him?
B: Not really.
K: But he's your dog, you should love him the most.
B: Is...he in the room???
K: Yes.
B: Oh, well then yes, I do love him.

Unwelcomed hug

Today was one of those mornings that I let the alarm sounds at least 7 times before I got up. I just wasn’t in the mood to leave our bed. So I shut the alarm off and rolled over to hug my husband, hoping he would be another excuse to stay in bed. I gave him a small squeeze and this is what I heard in return.

Brandon: Don’t hug me. She peed all over you!

Kristina: Why did she pee on me?

B: I don’t know. I gave her fruit snacks hoping to make her happy but she still peed on you.

K: What am I supposed to do about it?

B: You could stop hugging me!

I wonder who “she” is, and what did I do to her.

Extra terrestrial money maker

Not sure where this one came from...

Brandon: Don't diss ET!
Kristina: Why not?
B: Because he is a cute little guy.
K: Do you know anything about him?
B: Well, I have seen the movie.
K: Do you know anything else about him?
B: He is an extra terrestrial pimp.
K: (chuckles) Why is he a pimp?
B: How do you think he made money before he came here?