Can a guy get a soda?

Not quite sure what this is all about. All I know is that we were just talking about Mr. Pibb when we went to dinner the night before. It must have been stuck in his head.

Brandon: Who is she?
Kristina: I don't know. Who is she?
B: She's just a waitress.
K: What about her?
B: Not sure.
K: Is she any good?
B. NO! I had to back hand her just to get my Mr. Pibb.

She's a dirty girl

So, for the last 4 months, Brandon and I have been expecting our first little baby (we're so excited), and lets face it, I've been tired and lazy. Throughout the morning sickness and being sleepy all the time, Brandon has been the only one to keep up the house. Lately I have been feeling better and starting to pick up my end of the housework, but I still wake up this morning to this conversation:

Brandon: I didn't clean my room.
Kristina: Why not?
B: I didn't feel like it.
K: What is the mess?
B: A little of this, a little of that.
K: Whats the mess from?
B: My wife.
K: (Giggles)
B: She's a dirty girl.

Giraffes can't wear heals

I am 5 foot 10. Brandon is 6 foot 4. We make a great pair but there are some accessories that we both just can't pull off.

Brandon: I'm not wearing the high heals today.
Kristina: Why not?
B: Because I'm too dang tall.

How cute can a goose egg be?

Our good friends and neighbors are having a baby and we couldn't be more excited for them. Here's what Brandon had to say about their new arrival.

Brandon: We need more space.
Kristina: For what?
B: The neighbors.
K: Why do they need the space?
B: Because they are having a goose egg.
K: A goose egg huh? is it cute?
B: Kristina, how cute can a goose egg be?
K: Does it look like Sheldon from Garfield?
B: Yeah it does. Its got little feet and its running around the neighborhood. Don't let Elliott out. He might eat it.

One liners

There hasn't been much talk from Brandon lately, but here are a couple of one liners that have sliped out on separate occasions.

Brandon (in a Mr. T voice): I'll F*ing blast the fool!

Brandon: I need the Playboys to rope in the fairys. Otherwise they will get away.

When a squirt gun just isn't enough

Our 80lb Doberman, Elliott, has issues barking at anything and everything that moves past our house. In the past we have tried to correct him by squirting him in the face with a squirt gun. This stops the initial bark but hasn’t done much to correct the long term issue. This morning, Brandon came up with a new solution.

Brandon: I tasered Elliott.
Kristina: Why would you taser Elliott?
B: Because the squirt gun isn’t working.
K: I bet you enjoyed that.
B: No, I felt bad, but he has been naughty….now he’s just tired.

The lies an ID bracelet can tell

OK, so I like Sudoku...that doesn't mean I am crazy!

Brandon: Why are you wearing that medical bracelet?
Kristina: I don't know.
B: What does it say?
K: I don't know. You read it. You tell me.
B: It says mentally ill.
K: MENTALLY ILL! I'm not mentally ill!
B: Oh...OK... well is says Sudoku champion.
K: Why does is say sudoku champion?
B: Well it would be a good idea. This way everyone would know you are the sudoku champion of the world.